i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
