Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
