is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
