"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
