Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
