No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
