is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
