I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
