I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
