I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
