First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
