he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
