Please, let me fuck your mom
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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