please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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