so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
