I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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