She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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