Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
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I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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