I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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