It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My feet surprised me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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