he wants to bone in the snuggie
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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