four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
