Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
