Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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