quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
