I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize