If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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