I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
