I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
ok first of all what the fuck
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
