6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
