Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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