Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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