I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
