When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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