this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
