At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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