Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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