dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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