Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
