I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
