Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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