Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
