How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
