Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
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He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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