She's JV to your varsity
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
