If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
