apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
