What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
