i'm signing you up for texting rehab
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
