There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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