your parents love me but you hate me
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
