There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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