Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
