Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
