I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
