She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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