From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
