I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The feeling are messing with the penis
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
