you traded sex for a burrito?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
