dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
