I showed him my bush... on skype.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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