I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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