i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
