I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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