i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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