Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it