Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
