Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic