I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
