exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
