So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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