remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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