Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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