Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
