haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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