Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I love having hate sex.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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