There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize