Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize