Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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