mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
