there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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