Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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