Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize