Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
