I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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