Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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